I’m In the Neighborhood

Last week I lunched with a dear friend of mine who’s known me for over three decades.  My friend has seen my weight fluctuate dramatically from a low (adult weight) of 113 pounds all the way up to 199.5.  In all honesty, I’m sure I tipped the scale up and over the 200 pound mark at one time or another, but once the number started inching up in that direction I stashed the scale away in a dark closet.  Out of sight, out of mind I always say.   If I can’t see it – it isn’t so.

I’ve gotten really good at telling people I weigh somewhere “in the neighborhood” of my driver’s license weight.  When in fact I’m so far from that neighborhood, not even an Eagle Scout with a golden compass, a high-end GPS system, and a printed Google map could help me find that neighborhood right now. Can you say denial?

What we weigh is such a personal, intimate detail most of us go to great lengths to keep that number a secret.    I’d rather have root canal surgery than share my real weight with anyone.  To this day – even my husband has no clue what I weigh.  (The poor guy totally buys that “neighborhood” theory.)

I should say no one knows my real weight … until my lunch last week.  My dear friend was telling me how good she thought I looked and I didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry.  Yes, it may be true I’ve lost a smattering of weight over the last few months, but I know I’m a long way from where I need to be.  A long, long way.

Honestly, I really am at that point where I couldn’t give a flying fart what other people think of the way I look – the fact of the matter is I’m at the intersection of   “Confidence & Fatigue.”  On one hand I admit I’m a full-figured woman and I’m okay with that — finally, while on the other hand I’m carrying around this full-figure full time and it’s is putting a lot of stress on my body and my joints and I’m exhausted.

As I was lunching with my very best friend, my Gertrude, I experienced a moment of weakness and was feeling that “confession is good for the soul” vibe.   

“Yeah well I may look good but I weigh one-hundred and blah-de blah blah pounds.”  I just blurted it out – no drum roll, pomp or circumstance, there it was … my number … my weight  … my humiliation.  And guess what? It felt really good to say it out loud and get it off my chest!  It felt even better that my friend didn’t laugh at me.   And then she did something truly amazing and confessed her weight OUT LOUD to me, but swore me to secrecy.  To my grave, I swear, no one will ever hear it from me!

The funny thing is the older you get (or the heavier you get) numbers, some numbers anyway, seem to lose their importance.  When my friend confessed her weight, my response was, “Gee, that’s not so bad.   If you went on The Biggest Loser they’d hate you because you were the little girl!”

It’s all relative. It’s just a number.  Now that I’ve confessed it out loud, the power that the number had over me has been broken.  It’s just a number and it does not control me.  

When we confess our shame and bring it out of the darkness Satan loses his power over us.  Confession really is good for the soul.  I feel 10 pounds lighter having finally admitted to another person what I weigh. 

Perhaps if I shared my weight on my blog, I’d really unburden my soul and feel 20 pounds lighter, but I’m not going to lie to you – I’m not that  secure– yet.  Maybe when I get back to my driver’s license weight I’ll come clean.  In the meantime, let’s just say I’m in the neighborhood!

It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.  ~Agnes Repplier

12 It is shameful even to talk about the things that ungodly people do in secret. 13 But their evil intentions will be exposed when the light shines on them, 14 for the light makes everything visible. This is why it is said, “Awake, O sleeper, rise up from the dead, and Christ will give you light.” Ephesians 5:12-14 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY:Thank you Lord Jesus for the freedom you’ve blessed me with to simply be myself and to know with certainty — that is good enough for you, whatever I weigh.  All praise be to you, Father God in Heaven.  Amen.



Gone, But Hopefully Not Forgotten

The diet diva has been on a bit of a techo-hiatus for the last few months.  After being dumped by my previous domain carrier my web page has been adrift in cyberspace with no world wide web dot com to land on and call home. Being the technologically retarded person that I am, I’ve had to wait for help to get a new website and blog site up and running.  The web page is partially complete and still a work in progress, but will mainly provide information on my writing projects and links to purchase my books.  This new WordPress site will be my home (at least for a while) for regular blogs. 

I’m not going to lie to you – after completing my personal challenge to blog every single day for one whole year in 2010, I actually enjoyed having a bit of a break from the daily rigors of blogging.  Believe it or not, blogging every single day for one whole year is much harder than you can imagine.  It’s tough to be witty, creative or inspirational every single day.  I can promise I won’t be repeating that challenge, but I hope to be able to blog on a semi-regular basis from here on out.  Perhaps not daily, maybe not even weekly, but I’m willing to commit to regularly.

The last few months being blogless has provided a much needed menal health vacation that I’ve enjoyed in part, but I miss squeezing my creative juices.  I’ve missed that little nagging voice in my head reminding me that I’ve got a goal to meet; a promise to keep  and words in my head and my heart that must find a voice.  A warped sense of humor like mine needs an outlet to share my dieting challenges, my spiritual awakenings and those occasional epiphanies that God occasionally sees fit to enlighten me with.   

Last year’s Diet Nuggets and Wisdom Appetizers gained quite a following from people all over the world who commented on my website frequently.  I’ve missed reading the varied comments and hope to hear from you all again.  So … here I go ready or not.  I’m back in the saddle and ready to enlighten you, make you think and hopefully provide a few laughs along the way. 

I know I’ve been gone for a while, but I hope you’ve not forgotten me.  I hope you’ve missed me as much as I’ve missed you!

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.  Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

Laughter is an instant vacation.  ~Milton Berle